It’s 2 am, and I am lying here as my heart is heavy with all that is going on. I watch him struggle each day. What am I to do? My brain races with many thoughts, and none seem to give me the answers that I desperately need. I hear something … I hear the drizzle of rain start to fall outside my window. It’s as if the rain was falling for me, to say I am crying with you. I am beckoning you to cry as your shoulders are collapsing from the weight that you have been carrying for quite some time.
The weight has been unbearable in the last few months. My heart feels as though it has had a ton of bricks on it, and it has now shattered. As the rain falls more, I cry more… it’s again telling me to cry and move the bricks off of my heart. It’s broken, fully broken… I cry and cry, not knowing what lies ahead, yet I know that this, too, will be part of a bigger story that will help others, but I hate being a part of a bigger story. I am tired and weary. I know the tears will stop just as the rain will end and the sun will come again, but right now, it’s time for tears. The time will come to pick up my sword and fight, but tonight, it’s time to put my sword down and cry. Cry with me as you struggle, too. I promise that others are crying with you as they see you struggle and have struggles of their own. The world tells us that if women are crying, we are weak, but I think it’s a way for us to make us stronger so we can pick up our swords and fight for what is right for us and our children. As one friend recently told me, “It’s also ok and probably necessary to allow some space for crying“
The day will come when people will be held accountable for their lack of doing, and changes will be made for women. Women will no longer have to carry the burden alone. Women will not have to keep fighting for what is right. Women are the primary caretakers of their children in this country, and we carry it all upon our shoulders. Yet, when we cry, it’s as if we are weak and have lost the battle…
Don’t mistake my cries for weakness as they are strengthening me to fight with the heaviest of swords along with an army of women and men that say enough is enough, ” What you have done to women and their children will no longer be tolerated!” There will be a day when the law will be followed, and the courts will hold you accountable. These tears will fall again just as the rain will fall again, but that sun will shine, and justice will be served. You have stolen so much from me, but I won’t let you steal my tears any longer. My tears are not weakness; you have not broken me, and these tears have made me stronger.
xoxo, Brandy McFadden
Executive Director/Founder
My Epilepsy Story (MES)
“Every picture tells a story, and every patient has a story to tell…”
Brandy McFadden, Executive Director/Founder of My Epilepsy Story
