Our New Journey

As we begin to prepare for the Thanksgiving season I wanted to share with everyone some things that are on the horizon and that I am thankful for. Our story has been a hard one to share and live; yet it needs to be shared. I have often struggled with how much do I share about my son and how transparent do I want to be with the world about my personal struggles. I have learned through tough lessons that people will want to use me or my son to further their cause, so I have become a bit more guarded. In being too guarded we miss out on the wonderful things or opportunities that are placed in front of us. In the past, I have not spoken publicly about my own personal faith. I had chosen to keep that part of my life out of the public aspect of sharing our story. However, as we begin to reflect on the things that we are thankful for I can’t help but be thankful for my faith. I have had to struggle through many tough things over the past 3 years. My world had been rocked from the inner core. Our family has experienced divorce, death, despair, and destruction. Just when I thought things could not get any worse, the bottom began to fall out from under me again. I began to question what was my purpose here in this world and how could I survive the heartache that was going on in our family. I began to question my faith and wonder how can I be thankful for the days that were to come…

In August of 2011, Samuel began attending a new school for children with learning differences. As we made the transition to a new home, a new school, and a new city I began to be see that maybe, possibly there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That light seemed so far away at times. The doors were beginning to open even more for me with the organization. We added more board members, had three fundraisers, and endless meetings with people that I never dreamed we would be sitting down talking with. Samuel’s schooling continued to go well and he made huge progress as the year continued to go on. The school began to grow as well and more students continued to enroll. As time went on, I knew that my life was beginning to settle down and that our routine was being established. This gave me the time to sit and reflect on my personal life. I must say that when you are busy you cannot or don’t focus on things that are hard to deal with. We tend to push those “uncomfortable or not so nice” issues to the side so we don’t have to deal with them. I am here to tell you that you will have to deal with them one way or another. It will not be pleasant, enjoyable, and it will be emotionally exhausting! So this will bring me back to my faith, I have had to search deep inside myself to see what am I called to do….What is my purpose…..Where should I be going……Where should I focus my attention…

As I have struggled through these tough questions and so many more, I have found a peace in knowing that I do not have to have it all figured out. Which is EXTREMELY hard for me. I have found that what I was really searching for was PEACE. To have peace like never before….. To know that in the end at the end of the tunnel there will be a great masterpiece that has been painted from the journey that I have taken and struggled on. All of the things good and bad that our family has faced, I have personally faced and that Samuel has faced with be made perfect in that masterpiece. I so wish, I could take a peek at the masterpiece but it is not time because our journey is not done. At times, I just want one glimpse to see that everything will be beautiful in the end, but I am reminded that there is still much that I have to do. Samuel still has much to do in this world as well. So I will share what new journey my sweet baby is on. Samuel was just recently enrolled in a private Catholic school here in the Nashville area. This happens to be the school where my other two children attend as well. Samuel is now a dual enrolled student in two schools. In fact, he is the only dual enrolled student at the Catholic school! The Catholic school is working on developing a new and exciting program that will have a co-teaching model in order to service all children and their different learning styles. This will benefit the children that need extra help, the ones that need to be pushed further ahead, and the ones that are in the middle. Samuel will be attending the Catholic school one day a week to begin the process of helping to build a pilot program. As a mother, I am filled with joy but also worried that he is the first child to begin this program and that he will be helping them build this program…I think of all the wonderful and not so wonderful things that could happen. Yet, I have found a peace about the new journey we are on. In fact, Sister Maria Goretti said in a letter to the parents of the school, “Like any of our students, Samuel is coming to St. … to learn, but I suspect that we will learn more from him than he learns from us.” As I read this letter, I began to cry because I know that Samuel is still on his journey of changing lives. What some may see a weakness or different will be changed by him. In fact, today when I picked him up from school several teachers from the school came up to me and said that he changed the way they view children with autism. One teacher began to cry and said that he has forever changed her life. And some of these teachers were not even his teachers. So as I reflect on this Thanksgiving season, I am thankful for all the things that have been put before me…good or bad….they will all be apart of the masterpiece that is being painted. Oh how I wish I could just have one glimpse of that masterpiece, maybe I can because I am living the journey now. Be thankful for your masterpiece that is in the making….. I look forward to seeing this masterpiece unfold over the next year, 6 years, 16 years, 26 years and beyond