Last week Samuel told the priest all about the “dry, large intestines” while he was about to receive communion. As I was kneeling next to him, all I could do was smile….. I am not going to lie, it was a bit embarrassing when he began trying to have this conversation with the priest. The priest doesn’t know us because we are new to this church, so I am sure he was thinking what is the kid talking about. At the end of the service we shook hands and I told him briefly about Samuel. The words just rolled out of my mouth, “Samuel has autism”. The priest was very kind and shook my hand again as we parted ways. As I walked away I thought to myself, the words just rolled right off of my tongue without hesitation. I see my son comfortable in his skin while talking about the “dry, large intestines” and I find myself becoming more comfortable in my skin. You see, I am learning to embrace where I am at in my life…..
I think who the heck would want to go through all this heartache….but learning to embrace where I am at in my life has been very rewarding. I know that through heartache and weakness comes strength. People that have known me for years say “Brandy, you are a fighter and you have always been strong.” The reality is that at night when I close the door and lay in bed, I am really not that strong…..You see, we all put on that “pretend face” and act as though we are doing great. Part of this journey for me is to show that we are all humans. We desire to have others see us and love us for who we really are without judgement. As women, we struggle with self-esteem issues, yet we cut each other down in a heartbeat. We should be encouraging each other instead of being hateful to one another. I have been blessed to have some wonderful women friends that encourage me, as well as being honest with me. I have learned that if your relationships do not make you a better person, are they worth having? At times, we want to have someone around just so we don’t have to be alone. Yet, it is that alone time that gives us the strength to embrace where we are in our lives. When we are alone, we have to face the mirror by ourselves and take a really hard look at the person staring at us…..Do we like who we see? Do we need to change some things about ourselves? Do we need to embrace where we are? Are our relationships healthy or ones of duty? I am blessed to have relationships that encourage me to be better rather than sit idle….Is it tough to hear some of the things that need to be worked on? ABSOLUTELY! We need relationships that are ones of encouragement and helping us to see where our weakness and strength lie. We need relationships that encourage us to be comfortable in our own skin and maybe perhaps, shed some of our old skin….I am learning to shed that “old skin” or ‘baggage”. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin, like my sweet Samuel. I am also learning that we find love in the most unforeseen circumstances. It is great to be able to look in the mirror and think I love myself more and more each day. I am thankful for this broken road that I have traveled. Every turn has led me to the place I am standing right now. All of the heartache has gotten me to where I am today…..I am embracing where I am, are you?